Yes, we have cookies!

But the Dark Lord only helps those who help themselves. You either have to bake them yourself, or steal them from a church bake sale. Hail Satan!

http://satanicmission.org/cookies.mp3

I just called to say...

... Hail Satan!

http://satanicmission.org/hailsatan.mp3

This doesn't sound like Jenny

http://satanicmission.org/jenny.mp3

But it must be Jenny, because that's her number. Sacrifice is not what we're into, but we'll refer you to another religion that practices a cannibalistic human sacrifice ritual every Sunday if you want.

Your number is possessed!

http://satanicmission.org/isthissatan.mp3

Remember, always disable outgoing caller-ID before making prank calls to religious minorities.

These are your children on jesus.

http://satanicmission.org/queer.mp3

Any questions?

On a lighter note

http://satanicmission.org/hailsatansong.mp3

Maybe Satan doesn't have the best music after all.

Have you heard about jesus?

http://satanicmission.org/jesus.mp3

So have we. We like Satan better.